Advice for Americans on life in New Zealand

by Toby Manhire / 21 November, 2012
NZ users of news site Reddit share their insights - aka lies.


“Can you briefly explain what life in New Zealand is like,” asked Ariistokats, “or what it would be like for an American?” The question, posted at the enormously popular “social news” site Reddit, has elicited more than 1,100 responses since being posted last week.

Some are helpful, some dorkish, but most of the answers voted by the community to the top of the pile are delicious lies.

“While it is true we are still largely a cannibalistic society, we mostly reserve the consumption of human flesh to ceremonial occasions,” begins the highest-ranked advice.

“It's unlikely as a tourist that you will be eaten but you'd be wise to err on the side of caution. Americans are especially valued for their ample rumps and tender texture owing to their years of slothful, sedentary lifestyle. As a civilised nation, we try no to victim-blame, but if you go about with condiments on your person you really are asking for it.”

The second most endorsed response, from Vlotyg, offers a helpful glossary:

Bach: Pronounced 'bark', like the composer. Refers to a square of land used to graze young moas.


Barbie: Named after the toy. A storage facility.


Bush: Ironic name for 'city'. Popular cities include Hamilton and Invercargill.


BYO: Bake Your Own. Refers to a social gathering to which you bring a plate of baking.


Chilly bin: Where you put your garbage.


Dairy: Shop where you can milk your own cow.


Gumboots: Someone who regularly chews gum. Affectionate term.


Hangi: Massive piss up.


Jandals: Sneakers.


Kiwi: Chinese gooseberry.


Lolly: Cough lozenge.


Mate: Expression meaning 'oh my god'.


Togs: Ski gear.


I might have missed some. Good luck for when you get here, you'll love it! Don't forget to talk about all the things you've done, we love success stories.

Latest

Why The Hustle has no sting
106053 2019-05-22 00:00:00Z Movies

Why The Hustle has no sting

by James Robins

A gender-swapping redo of a con-man comedy doesn't make good on its promise.

Read more
John Campbell sits down for Breakfast, with nothing to eat
105720 2019-05-22 00:00:00Z Television

John Campbell sits down for Breakfast, with nothin…

by Diana Wichtel

John Campbell on TVNZ’s Breakfast. There was a time when the idea would have seemed preposterous.

Read more
Conservatives say they’re happier, but liberals act happier. Here's why
105463 2019-05-22 00:00:00Z Psychology

Conservatives say they’re happier, but liberals ac…

by Marc Wilson

Much of the work on happiness is based on surveys, but what happens if we examine what people actually do?

Read more
Fresh tips in suspected cold case murder of Auckland teen
106082 2019-05-21 00:00:00Z Crime

Fresh tips in suspected cold case murder of Auckla…

by Donna Chisholm

Police are following up several new tips in the suspected cold case murder of Auckland teen Joanne “Joe” Chatfield.

Read more
Families witness as Pike River mine re-entry attempt begins
106112 2019-05-21 00:00:00Z Social issues

Families witness as Pike River mine re-entry attem…

by RNZ

The Pike River re-entry team steps through the double airlock doors today, watched by families of the 29 men who died in the 2010 tragedy.

Read more
How the Republican Party is effectively placing Donald Trump above the law
106064 2019-05-21 00:00:00Z World

How the Republican Party is effectively placing Do…

by Paul Thomas

The Republicans' strategy of not co-operating with Congress is undermining the system of checks and balances enshrined in the US Constitution.

Read more
NZ Listener and North & South win at NZ's top media awards
106058 2019-05-20 00:00:00Z Innovation

NZ Listener and North & South win at NZ's top medi…

by Noted

New Zealand's leading current affairs magazines pick up Voyager Media Awards.

Read more
Dancing with the Stars is a parable for democracy in the age of Trump
106060 2019-05-20 00:00:00Z Television

Dancing with the Stars is a parable for democracy…

by Diana Wichtel

The people have spoken on the hit TV dance-off and we deserve everything we get.

Read more